“The infant periods of most nations are buried in silence, or veiled in fable, and perhaps the world has lost little it should regret. But the origins of the American Republic contain lessons of which posterity ought not to be deprived.” —James Madison
The Founders were lightweights who didn’t know how to make a really good deal. They coulda got so much more. Bad. Really bad. Now we say they are great men, maybe they were, but they’re not. Weak, totally weak. Listen, they coulda got so much more. If these were such bright guys, why’d it take four months to come up with such a lousy deal?
Poor leaders make bad deals. We The People means everyone. All those little people. Can they run things? No. You don’t want losers running the country. If you want to make America great again, you need great leaders, not a bunch of little people running around like chickens with their heads off. These guys were really proud of their lousy deal. They called it the Great Compromise or something. They don’t know great. No idea. We can do much better, believe me. Great leaders don’t compromise, they get people to do what’s right. When I’m president, people will do right and they’ll love it. They’ll be so happy, believe me.
Do you know how hot it was that summer? Hot. Really stinkin' hot. I mean those guys must have stunk awful. Wool suits. No deodorant. Talk about a smoke filled room. It was terrible. Terrible. All they wanted was out. They wanted to go home so bad, everybody shrugged and signed their name to a really bad deal.
Great leaders can do so much. That ancient rag gets in the way. We need a better deal. Do you know that piece of paper had no rights. They forgot them. They say they were great men. Horrible. Horrible men making a horrible deal. They coulda had whatever they wanted. Anything. Instead they made this mess, really bad mess that gets nothing done. Nothing.
Rights. Everyone wants rights. In my better deal we’ll get rights, but better rights. Just wait and see. People won’t be able to say nasty things without consequence. I’m gonna open up our libel laws, so when they say negative and horrible, false things, we can sue them and win lots of money. Guys who protest need to behave. No more very rude statements. No more nasty statements. They’ll get thrown into a jail. They’ll never do it again. The only way that we’re going to stop this craziness is if we press charges. Because then their lives are going to be ruined. Rights are good. I can tell you that right now. We’ll have good rights, better rights.
Losers are ruining this country. They can’t stop people from attackin' us. It’s just incredible. They can’t stop Mexicans and Muslims. They can’t keep people from dying in the street. The establishment runs everything and they get nothin' done. Losers. They can’t protect you. I’ll protect you, believe me. You won’t be scared of them, they’ll be scared of us. We’ll get a new constitution, one that will protect us. Not weak. Strong. So powerful that our enemies will quake in their rubber sandals.
We need a deal strong enough to sweep the establishment away. Way, way, away. If we treat them like dogs, they’ll run away. I’ll bring in smart people. People with good brains. We’ll get stuff done so fast it will make your head spin. We’ll build a wall … and Mexico will pay for it. We’ll stop Muslims from gettin' in and keep a sharp eye on those that already snuck in.
I could get a better deal in two weeks. Maybe not. Strong leaders don’t need permission. I’ll tell you what, when I’m president, I won’t have three hundred million bosses. I’ll be the boss. If someone screws up, I’ll fire them so fast your head will spin. Stuff will get done. People do what I tell them. Otherwise, they’ll pay a price. A huge price.
We probably need some deal. Some constitution. Constitutions are wonderful. They’re great things. They make people feel good. We’ll get a new one, let me tell ya. Listen to me, I will do a great deal. As soon as I take office I’ll make a commission of really bright guys, smart guys. People with good brains, not losers or weak guys, and I’ll get them to make a better deal. A great deal. You won’t believe how great it’ll be. It will make this country great again. Really, really great. I guarantee it. I’ll sign that piece of paper and it will be a great supreme law.